![]() Thursday, June 14, 2007
Ups and Downs
Travel
![]() Thursday, April 19, 2007
I need one of these.
Alicia and I have put a lot of thought into building a new house. The old one is...well, old. I'm lobbying hard for a personal retreat, and this is just what I need for the entrance. I've always wanted a secret door!
![]() Wednesday, April 18, 2007
5-4 the SCOTUS says, "Die Fornicators!"
I tend to stay well away from political issues in this blog. Once I speculated with Jenny that keeping non-political was why I'm often quiet. This, however, is something that must be discussed. Today five men decided the fate of a bunch of babies. Sounds great, right? Not so fast. By doing so, these men are also preventing women in life-threatening situations from life-saving surgery. You can read more here, but be warned: there is strong language and imagery. Babies are snuggly, sweet little noise machines and they often grow up into lovely people. I'm very fond of babies. But wouldn't a living, breathing woman be better than a motherless baby with little chance of survival?
![]() Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I'm on fire!
Three posts within a month. If that's not some intense bloggification, I dunno what is! That's not why I'm on fire, though. I'm trying this new (to me) Firefox extension called ScribeFire. It adds a friendly little notepad icon in the corner of the Firefox window that brings up a fully featured blog editor with drag and drop support. If it sounds familiar, you may know it by its former name "Performancing." Names aside, maybe this is just what I need to make my posts less texty and more sexy. And more frequent.
![]() Wednesday, February 28, 2007
In transit
3:30am comes early. It comes extra early when a guy is leaving on his first real business trip. My bags were packed for a three day stay in sunny After narrowly missing no less than two rabbits, fourteen deer and a grizzled possum, we made it to the relative safety of I-40 and arrived at the airport in a most timely fashion. I checked in, strolled to security and presented my belongings to the privacy invasion agency. Shoes off, in a bin! All liquid, gel, non-solid and potentially damp-smelly-moist-squishy stuff in quantities no greater than three ounces in a quart-sized plastic bag. In the x-ray machine, not in the agent’s hand! Laptop out and in a bin. Jacket off, in a bin! Bags placed at a reasonable distance from each other—SIR! Is that a metal belt buckle? IN A BIN, THROUGH THE MACHINE! Obey. Obey! OBEY! I felt like I’d been processed for a life of enslavement by a squadron of Daleks. Unbelted and barefoot, my pants yearned to become glorified ankle warmers. I staggered through to the collection point and struggled to simultaneously gather my belongings and my dignity. I pulled myself together in the bathroom and jogged down to the last gate where my flight was just announcing final boarding. I had an assigned seat, but I slipped into line between an elderly couple and a pregnant porn starlet. I had to keep my skills sharp for future cattle call flights and my eventual entry in The Amazing Race! No one noticed, which must mean that I’m awfully smooth. Or that it was 5:45am and no one was awake enough to care. On the first leg, Kevin Costner woodenly cheesed his way through The Guardian and defended the lives of idiots and the good name of puddle pirates everywhere. I nibbled on raisins and sipped orange juice. Ahh, the Continental (airlines) breakfast! An old man strode heedless of the fasten seatbelts sign to the rear of the craft. I wasn’t sure if he was bound for the head or to berate one of the hostesses for the poor breakfast, but another geriatric followed him. Others came too. One by one they returned, all but the two old folks. Like my ankles, my bladder was swollen. I had to go too! I unbuckled, slid past an airline hostess and bounded for the pair of aft lavatories. Both were occupied. From the right were the sounds of someone struggling with a mighty load. From the left were… other sounds. I was practically pissing myself and those old people were scrogging in the shitter! I realize that septuagenarians have sex too, and that they have just as much of a right to scratch off items on their “Things to do before I die” list, but ew! Ew! Ewwww! They finally emerged, red-faced and avoided my knowing eyes, and those of everyone else nearby. I relieved myself and returned to my aisle seat next to Carlos and Charlie as they grumbled quietly in Spanish about the fat bastard sitting next to them. I should have skipped my pre-flight shower so they would have had more to bitch about. They were mightily surprised when I asked them if they knew of any good places to grab a beer in
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Welcome back!
![]() Saturday, July 15, 2006
I need a new body
That's me. Not that I'm particularly villainous, nor am I stumbling around in a stolen body, but I sure could use a new one. I probably wouldn't feel so bad about it if I didn't need a tailor. Or surgery. The Misshapen Donnie I bought a suit two weeks ago. It's a nice-looking single breasted black suit with a charcoal pinstripe. I like it, and it's a good thing that I do. It's the only one I could find that fit me! Finding shoes was harder. The only dressy shoes I own are brown and have seen better days, so they aren't the best match for my sharp new suit. I wear a 15EEEE which are few and far between. We struck out at all of the local shoe and department stores, so I'm resorting to mail order. My new black captoe oxfords-- not my first, second or third choice!-- will arrive on Tuesday. That's just four days before the occasion at which I'm wearing them, so they'd better fit. At least I did manage to find a suit and shoes somewhere. Shirts are a different story. I have a 21" neck, 54" chest, 47" waist and 27" sleeves. Shirts are only manufactured in 20" and 22" neck sizes, which translate to a 5X and 6X respectively. That means that in order for a shirt to fit me in the neck, it's three or four sizes too big in the chest. Also, most designers expect men in larger sizes to be a sort of O-shape. I'm more of a V-shape, which means the bottom of the shirt bells out for the expected 72" waist. I think that bears repeating: my shirts have a seventy-two inch waist. Holy shit. I'm a big guy, but I shouldn't have to wear a tent! I picked up a couple of 22" neck shirts in hopes that the alterations place doing the hem and cuff on my suit pants will be able to take in the shirts a bit. It looks like they'll be able to take in six inches on each side, which should make them look better on me. I hope. I think I need to build a good relationship with a tailor. How does one do that? Does anyone in the 21st century use a tailor anymore? Anyone besides P.Diddy or whatever he calls himself this week? The word tailor sounds expensive. I've got other things to spend money on, for now... The warranty is out I get as many sinus infections, ear infections and bouts with bronchitis in a year as most people get in a lifetime. Every year my allergies get worse. Antibiotics, antihistimines, histimine blockers and other remedies help, but my doctor and I decided that it was time to investigate the root of the problem. I had an appointment with the renowned Dr. Pillsbury at the UNC Hospital ENT clinic. He is the head surgeon and the same guy that did my one and only previous surgery, a tonsillectomy ten years ago. I think he was pretty pleased that I recognized him. We weren't able to do any allergy testing since no one bothered to tell me that you can't take allergy meds for a week prior to testing. Dr. Pillsbury was good enough to ask me about my medical history, look up my nose and explain that I have a badly deviated septum and enlarged turbinates. He mentioned a CT sinus scan for a future visit, asked me to reschedule the allergy test, shook my hand and told me he'd see me soon. He was done in five minutes. I'm going back on August 3rd. I hope that visit is more in-depth. The allergy test scares me a bit, but not because I'm worried about a few pricks. If that was the case, I wouldn't go to the doctor's office in the first place. Or out in public, for that matter. If I need to get a septoplasty to fix my nose up so I'm no longer a dirty mouth-breather, I can look forward to a few hundred dollars of fees that aren't covered by insurance. A few hundred more if I need to get an inferior turbinate reduction. And a few hundred more if I need to get some rhinoplasty thrown in to patch up years of wear and tear from wearing heavy eyeglasses. There is a problem with all this, though. Septoplasty patients can't wear eyeglasses for six weeks following surgery. I can't see without glasses. I don't know if I can wear contacts due to some scarring on my eye from a childhood accident. I might have to get lasik surgery before I can get surgery. If that's the case, that rings up my out of pocket costs to the $3500 range. I think I need to start selling stuff from around the house or get another job. Maybe I shouldn't have bought that suit. I've got to look halfway decent for my class reunion, though. More on that next week, I've rambled too much tonight.
![]() Monday, July 03, 2006
Oh happy day
Instructions: 1. Go to Wikipedia. 2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year). 3. List three events that happened on your birthday. 4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death. 5. One holiday or observance (if any). My birthday: March 10th Events 1804 - Louisiana Purchase: In St. Louis, a formal ceremony is conducted to transfer ownership of Louisiana Territory from France to the United States. 1977 - Rings of Uranus: Astronomers discover rings around Uranus. 2000 - The NASDAQ stock market index peaks at 5048.62, signaling the beginning of the end of the dot-com boom. Birthdays 1940 - Chuck Norris, American actor and martial artist 1957 - Osama bin Laden, Saudi-born Islamic extremist Death 1913 - Harriet Tubman, American abolitionist (b. 1820) Holiday Fans of video game character Mario celebrate Mar10 Day, by singing songs about him, watching the movie and show, and playing Mario games. Wow. It has all the trimmings of a major motion picture. An American icon, a villanous terrorist, a freedom fighter, a bursting bubble, new territories, other worlds and a mushroom munching super plumber. My birthday rocks! There were a bunch of earthquakes on that day, too. My birthday really rocks!
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