I read the news today, oh boy

I love reading the news. There's nothing like seeing how screwed up the world is to make you feel better about whatever petty crap is going on in your life.

"SHOCK: Bears Eat Monkey in Front of Zoo Visitors." See, there's this thing called "nature." Yep.

"Orgy of Violence in Sao Paolo kills 80 Brazilians." Which is it? Eighty of them, or brazilians of them?

"Team Captain says he is 'absolutely innocent.'" Special thanks to the NSA wiretaps.

"Pentagon Releases Gitmo Detainees' Names..." They're all named Mohamed. Don't ask why they're not releasing their photos.

"Bush vows to secure border." Hmm, I think border patrol might be on his level.

Headlines courtesy of The Drudge Report, your source for completely biased news.